FAQs

WE LOVE EACH OTHER BUT STRUGGLE WITH MONOGAMY. WHAT SOLUTION DO YOU OFFER?

For attractive young men and women who enjoy sex, the hardest part of even the most wonderful relationship is monogamy. The opinion of others, the desire not to hurt your partner and avoid feeling guilty are all among the reasons people appear to stay monogamous. But we all know that when the opportunity presents itself, both men and women stray all too easily even if they are enjoying a loving relationship. The thrill of sexual adventure is so powerful that we can follow it impulsively even when it threatens our happiness in other important areas of life. We are actually all biologically programmed to be like this – the optimum procreative strategy for both sexes is monogamy plus adultery.

For a couple that love each other but are unable honestly to say to each other “I am never going to want to have sex with another person while we are lovers”, swinging can be the answer. After all, if their hobby was chess nobody would suggest they should play only with each other!

(By swinging we mean couples engaging in any of group sex, partner swapping and female bisexuality).

Swinging allows a couple to have sexual variety in the context of a loving relationship; constantly reaffirms the desirability of each partner in the eyes of the other; completely blows away the need or temptation for sexual deceit; provides sexual opportunities that are not really attainable in other ways; and removes the prime cause of relationship breakdown. As each partner is instrumental in providing the other with fantastic sexual experiences beyond the hope of most people, swinging can actually reinforce the bonds between a couple.

We would recommend swinging to couples who are BOTH sexually self-confident and adventurous and who don’t want emotional fulfilment to mean sexual retirement. That may seem obvious but many couples try swinging for reasons that differ from this and not all of them are disastrous (see below).

If you share your innermost sexual wishes and fantasies together. If acting them out together would bring you closer rather than provoke jealousy. If you are proud of your lover and want to show him or her off in an atmosphere where their talents will be appreciated. If having other people present would heighten your sexual enjoyment. If you both want to do things with your bodies that you cannot do by yourselves. If you would find making love with your lover and other people mind-expanding and self-esteem enhancing: then you should consider swinging.

Nevertheless, the right people and the right circumstances can be daunting to find. If you are young attractive and under 40, that is where Fever comes in.

HOW DO WE KNOW SWINGING IS FOR US?

We recommend always talking things through properly beforehand. It’s better to have a row in the privacy of your own home than in front of everyone else. One option is to agree that you won’t do anything the first time you come to a party. That way the ice can be broken more slowly and the reluctant partner may realise that his or her misgivings are not based on reality.

At Fever we set our bar higher. We want intelligent couples who have thoroughly talked it through beforehand, agreed their boundaries and stick to them. We don’t tolerate rows as they spoil the party for other people and those who argue hvae to leave until they have sorted themselves out.

ARE PARTIES REALLY THE BEST WAY TO DO IT? THEY SOUND A BIT INTIMIDATING.

Parties have a number of advantages over two-on-two meetings through contact ads. Two-on-two meetings can be fraught with anxiety. If one partner feels less than enthusiastic about one of the opposite couple, the evening can be embarassing or even disastrous.

At parties there are plenty of different couples to choose to get to know and you are not stuck talking with one couple all night if you don’t click with them. The ice is easy to break as everybody knows why everyone else is there. Nobody is expecting a sexual interaction with you and your partner in particular so there is absolutely no pressure. You get to see what happens before deciding whether it tempts you – and if it doesn’t you still have a pleasant and interesting evening.

Parties are also the highest expression of swinging because of the possibilities for exhibitionism and group sex. Nothing is as spectacular as a group scene at a party because they are exactly how everyone imagines orgies to be.

DO WE HAVE TO DO ANYTHING AT A PARTY?

No, it is perfectly acceptable to come to a party and do nothing sexual. Most other couples won’t even notice let alone care. Should someone proposition you a polite refusal won’t offend, ‘no means no’ is a golden rule throughout the sexual recreation world. If you’re fully dressed you are unlikely to be approached for anything other than a friendly chat. This is one of the good things about a party, compared with a 2 on 2 meeting off a contact site – you don’t ruin anyone else’s evening if you decide not to put out.

However, Fever is for people with a questing sexuality who are thrilled at the idea of entering into the spirit of the evening, who want and expect they will tempted to do so. It is not for people who are simply curious about how it might make them feel – that never works. And it certainly is not for people who don’t expect to join in and only want an interesting night out. That spoils the vibe and isn’t fair on the rest of us.

HOW DO PEOPLE GET OVER THOSE FIRST TIME NERVES?

At every party there will be other first-timers every bit as nervous as you, or even more so. But even our regulars were first-timers once and one of the nicest things about Fever is the way people will empathise with your tredpidation and be considerate of your feelings. Come along. Check it out. If you don’t want to play, that’s fine. If you only want to play with each other then that’s also fine. Not many couples who get that far turn back but if you do then at least you can say that you gave it a go.

If you are a woman planning to come by yourself but nevertheless feeling a little apprehensive about it, Fever goes that little bit further to reassure you. We’ve been told the most anxious part is arriving with nobody definite to talk to, so we can meet you in a local bar with other single womens so you have company and then accompany you into the party together. Even before that, if you wish we can have one of our regular female partygoers ring you up, answer your questions and talk through what to expect. It all helps out you at your ease and focus on what you are really after.

HOW OFTEN ARE YOUR PARTIES?

Our events are irregular because the standard of venue we need is difficult to acquire. Our standard for house parties is very high and very difficult to find but for Club Nights it is more flexible. Generally something happendsevery couple of months.

Many people email us asking if they can come to a party on a particular weekend in the future, as they will be in London or Britain for a few days. However we only email dates to those who have registered with us.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHEN YOU SAY YOU ONLY ACCEPT REAL COUPLES?

We mean you need to have an ongoing sexual relationship. So you might be partnered with each other or with other people, but if you have sex together then you qualify.

DO YOU ACCEPT SINGLE MEN?

No. Men who are unaccompanied by a genuine partner too easily adopt a predatory attitude that spoils the vibe for everyone else. Men with professional escorts or teaming up with a female mate to find out what it’s like are not acceptable either.

DO YOU TAKE WOMEN WHO AREN’T INTO OTHER MEN?

Yes. The female search for sexual experiences with other women is one of the main reasons couples begin swinging. The only thing that women who want fun together cannot expect to find at a Fever party is a door to retreat behind, and this goes for everyone else too.

DO YOU TAKE FEMALE COUPLES?

We take bisexual female couples. For several years two of our bi front-of-house hostesses were in a relationship. We also take two single female friends who want to come along together to give each other immoral support.

DO YOU ACCEPT THREESOMES?

Yes, we accept threesomes that include two women but not if they include two men and charge pro rata.

WHO LOOKS AFTER CLOTHES?

You have to look after your own kit, although we do usually have supervision over coats and provide hangars. At a house party, a couple of quid for the coat check is the only money you’ll need once you are through the door.

If things get hot, it’s a really good idea to put your clothes in a pile together and remember where you left them. Otherwseclothes often come off here and there, even in different rooms. Items then have to be hunted down afterwards, which is tense and a bore. Although our events are very select, unfortunately things do occasionally go missing as people can put on the wrong thing in the dark. The solution is a neat pile.

WHAT ABOUT BI-MEN?

We accept bi-men (with their female partners obviously) on condition that they don’t engage in gay male activity at our events. Couples who want to connect in this way are free to leave together and even come back together afterwards if their home or hotel is close enough.

Sexual preference is like taste in food – no one can rightly be told that they should or should not like this or dislike that. Individuals and couples are entitled to define their sexual environment to include (or exclude) any element they wish. The convention of including bisexual female activity but not bisexual male activity is practically universal in swinging clubs in every country of the world. It’s like that because that’s what swingers everywhere – of both sexes – want.

This is not a moral judgement (who are we to make them?) but an utilitarian one. There are, after all, plenty of other leisure options for couples who want these experiences.

DO GROSS THINGS HAPPEN?

No, although it depends on your standpoint. Oral and penetrative group sex and group female bi-sexuality is our standard but this is ‘vanilla’ in swinging terms. Anal sex is less rare than it was but you wouldn’t notice it unless you were very close to the people concerned anyway. Watersports does occasionally happen (when there are enough bathrooms in the venue) but as it is all behind closed doors it doesn’t affect anyone who doesn’t participate.

CAN WE HAVE SEX IN PRIVATE?

No. Venues are not big enough to provide private rooms for each couple. It also goes against the whole point of coming to our parties.

You can make love by yourselves, without interference. This is quite common, especially among first-timers. It might have to be on the same bed as other people but the action at parties goes in waves and it is perfectly possible to have a bed or even a room to yourselves for a while.

We don’t allow closed doors at our parties because we want to stop couples feeling excluded. We also want first-timers in particular to be able to see what goes on before deciding if they want to take the plunge. We foster an open, warm inclusive vibe not a competitive, cliquey one. Any foursome or group who want privacy can leave and go somewhere else together or arrange to meet up by themselves another time.

The only doors that close at Fever parties are the bathrooms. But it is against the rules to have sex in the loos because it forces others people to queue. After all you can shag anywhere else in the venue.

The only exception to our doors rule is that if a venue has three or more bathrooms, one can be used for watersports.

IS THERE DANCING AT YOUR PARTIES?

Almost always at club nights but mostly not at house parties because it would be too hardwearing on the carpets. We clearly advertise in advance whether there will be dancing at any event.

WHAT IF MY PARTNER WANTS TO LEAVE EARLY?

A woman can stay if her partner leaves early but a man must leave with his partner. There are no circumstances in which we will allow unaccompanied men at our events.

There can be legitimate reasons for a partner to leave early. However we do expect couples to talk through how swinging will affect their relationship thoroughly before coming to a Fever party. It lets us all down if disagreements emerge at a party and we ask couples who row to leave and finish it.

DO YOU PROVIDE ANYTHING TO EAT?

People don’t come to our parties to eat – we provide an altogether rarer and more exquisite experience. Partygoers should eat at a nice restaurant beforehand if they want a decent meal while we concentrate on our core competence. At some of our country house parties we have been known to provide champagne breakfasts at 4am to restore people’s energy for the journey back home and provide a focus for post-coital chats and exchanges of phone numbers. When we do this we mention it in the advertising for the party.

HOW DO I PERSUADE MY PARTNER TO COME?

At Fever we are interested in couples who are both sexual adventurers. We are not looking for couples where one partner has been manipulated into giving it a go (and believe it or not, this is as often the guy as it is the girl). For us, swinging is the outward expression of the sexual synch between two people. We feel the right way to go about swinging is to develop that deep sensual bond with your partner and then look for ways of enhancing it. We do not recommend cruising websites and afterwards trying to blag the other half into whatever takes your fancy there.

HOW DO I ENSURE MY PARTNER ENJOYS IT?

Make sure they get what they are looking for and make sure you only get what your partner is happy for you to have. That means sticking to the rules you agreed in advance. Do not try to push the boundaries you agreed beforehand once you are at the party – your partner will think you are disingenuous and they’ll be right. Let them build their trust in the new environment and the new people. Presumably they already trust you as a sexual partner – let them learn to trust you as a group sex partner and as a swinging partner.

What was it from your partner’s side that led you into trying swinging? Was it swapping with another couple? Soft swinging (penetration by own partner only)? Was it multiple partners, serially or together? A threesome? Or a big orgy experience? Your mission at that party is to deliver it. Place any agenda of your own – however legitimate and agreed – firmly into second place. If your partner wants to come back there will be plenty of other opportunities. If they don’t, the game is over.

IS IT TRUE ONE OF US MUST HAVE A DEGREE?

Absolutely not. Although the average educational attainment at Fever is probably to postgraduate level, we do not enquire about couples’ educational qualifications or about their occupation. Most couples at our events are young career and professional people because these types send in most applications. Photographs are the key factor by which couples are selected.

CAN WE BRING SOME TOYS WITH US?

Yes. It’s normal to cover toy with a condom before use (different condom for every woman, natch).

WHAT TIME DO YOUR PARTIES START AND FINISH?

We ask everyone to arrive between 9 and 10 pm for houseparties and the party continues until the last couple leave. This can be any time between 4 and 6am. Couples can be admitted late by special arrangement.

Club nights usually finish earlier, usually around 3am depending on the venue.

ANY TIPS ON HOW TO GET ON WITH PEOPLE?

Cut anything you have a very strong opinion on out of your conversation, such as politics, religion and football. It is fatal to assume people will see things the same way as you do and you can easily cause offence. Few would be happy about someone they’d normally regard as an enemy – a supporter of their favourite team’s greatest rivals, for example – having sex with htheir partner. If such a topic does come up and you feel an argument brewing, you must make light of it. Fever does not invite argumentative people back.

Be polite and charming to everyone and guys, never ask “Are they real?” about a woman’s breasts – not unless you are 100{de0e700efb291c2aec33cd5e24507c8f95e5229b49bb3a46af533857a42bcd43} sure they are. For women who have gone through the discomfort of an operation it can be grating.

HOW DO WE KNOW IF PEOPLE WANT TO HAVE FUN WITH US?

If you are chatting for 10 mins or more, it’s probable that they wouldn’t mind taking a tumble with you. You can always take the initiative by suggesting you all go to see what’s happening in the playrooms. “Shall we take a look round?”, “We’re going through, would you like to come?” are ways you can make the suggestion without being crude.

Of course you must accept the slightest hesitation on their part with merely an “OK catch you later!”. It doesn’t mean they think you are ugly. It may mean they just haven’t worked up the courage yet, need to have a privately word first or they might even have a prior arrangement with another couple.

The other way to do it is physical, for example with light playful touching by stroking the other person’s arm. The least pushy way is girl to girl but girl to boy is also fine. In fact if a guy has been flirting with a woman from another couple and getting on well, it would be OK too. A demur is the worst that can happen, nobody is going to get hysterical about a touch.

WHAT ARE THE RULES ON THE BEDS?

If you want you can launch onto one of the beds yourselves with an eye to ‘bumping’ into some new friends. It is quite common for swingers to stay on a bed for two or three hours having fun with different people who crop up.

On the beds it is done through non-verbal communication. One of you (most easily the female partner) strokes one of the other couple, and you give them a moment to check who it is and have a word about it. Then if they wish they can gently remove your hand. This does not mean “Piss off losers!”. It means “Please excuse us for the moment, we are really into something else and don’t want to be disturbed right now”. You could try again later – at least 30 mins – with the same couple if you wanted but shouldn’t try again if they don’t buy a second time. Maybe another night.

On the other hand if you have hit the right button they might not remove your hand, in which case you can begin to get to know them a lot better.

Obviously the same applies to you in reverse.

Alternatively you can simply get close to a couple and make it clear you are watching them, to see if they invite you in.

You may see people not following these rules and being much more cavalier about it, but they will be people who have partied together before and know each other well.

The wonderful thing about the beds (and Fever usually has at least one very big one, anything from 100-300 square feet) is that you can get in with a couple who may already be in a scene with others and the most amazing orgies can develop spontaneously – life enhancing to experience and mesmerising to watch.

I AM PREGNANT, AM I WELCOME?

Yes. Every year we have several pregnant women at Fever, even two or three at the same party. We once had 2 women at 8 months, though it was a little impractical for them to play. Many couples find women in the middle stage of pregnancy a tremendous turn on.

Join us

If you are an adventurous and attractive couple or a sexy single female and you are under 40, you could join us at the next party.